Carol_Bryant

Misconceptions about Gay People and Dogs

Carol_Bryant

I came out last week. After 20 years of living the stereotypical semi-closeted life, yours truly has had the weight of the gay world lifted off her shoulders. It feels pretty damned good. The responses and support have been overwhelming. Now if only my hips felt lighter after all the Halloween candy I’ve consumed. There are many misconceptions out there (pun intended) about gay people and dogs.

Something that has been stirring inside me for 20 years now is with regard to the off-color things people say about folks who identify as LGBT and their relationship with their pets. Generally speaking, these things are often said to people with dogs in general: The dog moms and dog dads who dote on their canine family members.

No matter how well-intentioned some things might sound internally, there are some comments I’d rather not have tossed my way. If you don’t have dogs — or even if you do —  don’t say these things to any dog parent you know.  Twenty years of hiding my behind an invisible curtain in public means I have a lot of pent up commentary, energy, and well thought out “comebacks.” Feel free to use these the next time something spiteful, rude, or insensitive gets tossed your way. Oh, and the cool part is: You don’t have to be gay to be targeted by jerks. Jerks seem to be everywhere. Here’s some good comebacks, time tested, Fidose of Reality approved:

dog_travel
Alternative, yes, dog lover: absolutely

The Obvious Ding Dong

They say: “You must dote on your dog because you don’t have any kids.”

Reality: Many of my friends have human kids and they also have dogs, and both varieties are considered a part of the family. I made a conscious choice not to have human children, but I’ve always had a strong affection for dogs. It doesn’t make me any less of a human being to not want human children, but it really sucks when people assume that millions of us love dogs so much because we lack babies.

Your Comeback: “Don’t let my dog hear say that, he’s standing right here.” or “My dog is my kid.” or quite honestly, you can say that is rude.

The Belittler

They say: “Wow, your dog got married? Is that because you can’t?”

Reality: Indeed, this past June my dog was hitched in a canine wedding, all in the name of fundraising.

Your Comeback:  Lesbians and Gays will have the right to marry, as our time is coming, and many states have begun to recognize us already. We want the same rights as straight people. However, my dog was married because people are cruel and insensitive and dump their dogs at shelters, if at all. As a gay woman, I decided to have a dog wedding to raise money for those innocent lives.

cocker_spaniels

The Disciplinarian

They say: “If that was my dog, he’d be getting a smack on the behind for barking or howling like that.” (my dog tends to howl with excitement on arrival to a hotel – can you blame him? It’s fun to check in)

What you say: “When you hit a dog, you teach him to fear you, you break his trust, and you weaken his confidence. Insecure dogs are the ones who are more likely to lash out in an aggressive display.”

I can’t take credit for that. I read it in trainer Victoria Stilwell’s book, It’s Me or the Dog. I used to be afraid to confront someone hitting a dog. I realize my lack of action is an action, and I’ve become more adept at speaking out, calmly and rationally. I know this one opens really strong emotions for some, but for me anger and physicality begets the same. I realize you don’t have to be gay to encounter idiots like this, which is why I am sharing this. Rude people are everywhere and not discriminatory about who they’ll share their ignorance with.

The Uniformed

They say: Did you get a boy dog to even things out?

Reality: If not the above, I get – well is he the man of the house? I had a gay man ask me that. So it isn’t that this is straight specific, folks. I find that when I tell people I am gay, sometimes they think they then cannot talk about men. I had one friend say, I was going to tell you that Michael C Hall is hot, but I know you are a lesbian and wouldn’t care. WTF? It’s not that I am blind, people. Similarly, I have a male dog because that’s how life ended up. I had a female dog for one week shy of 15 years and my heart was broken. So I have a male dog. We didn’t plan it that way. Life just happens.

You say: “Yeah, someone has to wear the pants in the family!”

The Bold

They say:  “Where does the dog go when you have sex?”

Reality: I kid you not, I have had people say that to me. I am not sure if it’s a “I just found out you are married to a woman, so I am a kinky perv and want to learn more” mentality or if it’s a “oh you crazy gays, all you do is have sex” mentality, but whatever the case, I’ve had this said to me twice in 20 years. It bears investigating, yes?

My Comeback: “He usually videotapes it” tends to shut them up. But a more dignified response would be “none of your business” or to ask them where their dog goes when they have sex. *insert eye roll here*

poodle

The Stereotypical

They say: “Gay men are into pet fashion, aren’t they? Is that why they get Poodles and smaller breeds of dogs?”

Reality: People in general are into pet fashion. I know gay men with Great Danes and lesbians with Poodles. So no, we don’t have conventions where we plan our breeds according to our gender preference.

You Say: Feel free to say whatever you like here – it’s a free for all on this one.

dog_wedding

The Lifestyle Expert

They say: “Well at least your dog accepts your lifestyle.”

Reality: Generally the word lifestyle stops me in my tracks. I’ve been listening to one of my favorite commentators on radio for a few years, Michelangelo Signorile, and he always plays a sound bite “thud” when someone uses the word lifestyle with referencing to being LGBT.  A heterosexual person does not live a straight “lifestyle,” and so, too, those of us who identify as LGBT do not live a gay “lifestyle.” I am definitely of the alternative living mindset, but it is not a conscious choice to be who I am. As Gaga beckons, I was born this way.

I Say: “It isn’t a lifestyle, it’s part of my DNA and I was born this way.”

As members of a civilized culture we’re supposed to bite our tongues, walk away, turn the other cheek — call it what you will. Well, sometimes for me words flow as freely as water out of the hose from which my dog drinks. And you can use this to your own advantage. So the next time you get tossed a curveball, no matter path your life is on, feel free to use these snappy comebacks designed to educate people who will, in turn, think twice and pay it forward, either with not saying it again or being more respectful next time around.

Oh and P.S. Sheila, my former penpal friend in Oklahoma, if you are reading this, you can stop praying for me. If after 20 years you didn’t realize the kind of person I am, my telling you the truth isn’t going to be helped by prayer. I might, however, pray for peace for your daughter battling anorexia at age 12 and your husband who rarely comes home these days.

fidose_badgeHave you ever been insulted by something someone said about your and/or your dog? Let us know below how you handled it.

 

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83 Comments

  1. I actually LOLed to some of these questions. It is beyond comprehension that anyone would have the nerve to say that to anyone, or what they think gives them the right to say that to another person. I applaud you and your decision, and hope that all of the states down your way get on the Canadian bandwagon when it comes to gay marriage (and while you’re at it, can you get some Tim Horton’s coffee shops out your way 🙂

  2. I admire all you do and stand for. Wonderful article and some if your comebacks brought a big smile to my face.
    I respect everyone’s “lifestyle”, I do not tell them how to live their life and someone better not tell me how to live mine.

    I have had people ask me why I care so much for Buster and spend on his well being, “he is my responsibility and I love him and want what is best for him.”

    It really doesn’t matter the breed or a mutt, they are a life time commitment. I have had many breeds and must in 70 years. I have had big, medium and small. I love the personality of the cocker spaniel.

    Carol, you, Dar and Dex are an inspiration to everyone, be you Gay, Lesbian, heterosexual. My husband, Mike and I think the world of you and your family.

  3. GREAT article , it made me laugh!! THANK YOU Carol!! Honestly.. people can be so ignorant and judgemental of others and their pets.. guess stupidity is in their DNA!!!! So happy you are FINALLY able to enjoy who you really are without having to be concerned about what other people may think or how they might judge. GUESS WHAT… your friends who loved you before you liberated yourself STILL love you.. because YOU are YOU, and a mighty fine person ( and dog mom!!) . Enjoy your LIFE , we get one go around here on this earth!! Keep making your count!! ~ Bonnie ~ xo

  4. Carol – Wow. I’m not sure what to about this post but here I go. As I read this post it sounds to me like you are still quite irritated by comments you experienced from various people about your personal status and having a dogs. I can honestly say that in the 51 years out of my 68 that I’ve had dogs nothing like those comments have been directed at me and I’ve been single more of those years than not. If I had heard silly comments I would have laughed and let them roll off my back. Guess the folks I’ve had in my life were/are not that rude. I’m sorry you had to experience that and that it got you so riled up.

    On the other paw I believe the last paragraph to Sheilah should have been left out for all to see. IMHO that was rude. It could have been sent to her privately. You’ve come out now so embrace it, chillax and choose to ignore rude comments. All the best to you and yours. in the 2nd half of your life. LM

    1. I have held this in for 20 years, so quite irritated would be an understatement. I also have a strong desire to be more real to my readers. There are so many people out there who get these insults hurled at them, and the time has come to say enough. I would not have laughed then nor do I now. Some things are warped and people should not think it is okay to verbalize certain things. These are not silly comments, Linda. They are rude and ignorant.

      To Sheila, whose name was changed by the way, no I totally disagree. Not sure who you are saying is rude, but I certainly hope you mean Sheila and not me. If you meant me, that’s too bad on you for feeling that way. I am feeling really good about who I am these days, as I have for 20 years. The future is mine for the taking, and it looks and feels oh so good.

      By the way, I won’t just be coming out and chillaxing… expect much more commentary from me. I’ve only just begun. Woot!

    2. Linda, you haven’t a clue, have you – no wonder you have been single for many years! Probably “friendless” too.!

  5. Very well said Carol!!! It is a shame there are so many cruel and rude people in this world. Shame on them for their remarks….make you think they are not very happy with their own life. I love your comebacks!
    It is to bad people are more like dogs because a dog will never judge others, they don’t hate, they don’t discriminate, they don’t care about money, they don’t hold grudges. A dog knows how to love unconditionally and will be a fur-ever friend! Enjoy your life my friend with Darlene and Dexter!

  6. Some people are bigoted idiots. Some people don’t know that if they don’t know what to say, don’t say anything. I’ve wondered about myself (childless by choice) and my love for hamsters. I appreciate your insight.

    Here’s what I say to people who don’t believe in homosexuality: When you were little were you attracted to the opposite sex? Do you hold your girlfriend’s/boyfriend’s hand in public? Well, when gay people were young, they were attracted to a person of the same sex. They didn’t have a choice—they just were. And now they can’t walk down the street holding the hand of the person they love without being afraid of the consequences. I don’t think that’s fair. Do you? 100% of the time—100%!!!—even prejudiced people allow that no, it’s not fair. I feel good about having planted a seed.

    As to the person who prays for you . . . perhaps God heard her prayers, saw that her prayers would limit your happiness, and so has been sending love and light your way for 20 years for you to have the best life possible!!! Tee hee.

  7. Surely it must be difficult to not sound the Idiot Alert sometimes when you hear stuff like that. Just keep being you, that’s the best gift you can give yourself!

  8. “Did you get a boy dog to even things out?” That’s hilarious! Does this person have any idea how ridiculous a question that is? We love your comebacks and mom envies your quick wit. Too often she finds herself speechless when a good comeback is needed.

    The “you must dote on your dog because you don’t have any kids” one really gets to mom. Does it ever occur to them that mom dotes on me because dogs are awesome? And by “doting” on me, she’s really just treating me the way all dogs should be treated? Like you, my mom made a choice not to have human kids. She never really wanted human kids, but she always wanted dogs. Not everyone understands this, and she has acquaintances who are convinced she has some kind of fertility issue that she doesn’t want to talk about. (yes, it’s called the want-dogs-don’t-want-kids syndrome)

    . . . so does Dexter use one of those Sony action cams like they had at BlogPaws? BOL!

    Garth

    1. Garth, I about peed my pants on that last comment – I am still LOL seriously out loud. Your mom is a fast friend to me and a treasured one at that. TY xoxox

  9. People are so…crazy! Please do not feel isolated in this though. As awful as the things people have said to you are, stupidity abounds out there. As the recently divorced, I’ve been asked some doozies!

    Q: What happens to your dogs when you bring home a one night stand? (from a business associate. I’m still reeling from that one and the assumptions he’s so obviously made on my character.)

    Q: Did you get divorced because you loved your dogs more than your husband? (Well…kind of)

    Q: It’s too bad you have dogs and not kids, maybe your marriage would have worked out. (That one is more of a moronic statement than an idiot question.)

    If ignorance is bliss, I would think the whole world would be a lot happier because there sure are a whole lot of ignorant people out there.

  10. It boggles my mind that there are still people out there that have such a caveman attitude about the LGBT lifestyle. I’m not gay and I have four dogs and no kids. When people say “You have four dogs!” with incredulity in their voice, I respond with “You have X kids???” with the same tone of voice. That usually stops people in their tracks.

    You are a wonderful person – your sexual preference doesn’t change that. Actually, it’s a PART of what makes you who you are. You’re my friend and nothing has changed, other than that I’m proud of you for having the courage to stand up for yourself and for Darlene. That’s pretty awesome.

  11. All I can say is, Yeah Carol!!!! A friend is a friend no matter what. It doesn’t matter what we identify ourselves as…all that really matters is the quality of person that you are. You are tops!!! I am proud to call you my friend! Yo!!!

  12. A somewhat sheltered and uninformed friend asked me if all my trainer friends were lesbians. I said, “Yep, because all every lesbian on earth wants to do is be a dog trainer.” I love my friend but needed something to shut her up and that worked!

  13. I have to comment on Kelly’s comment – I love her answer to “You have dogs?” – “You have kids?”
    No one has ever commented on my cats like that, but when I get stupid comments of any kind about myself, I just mutter “No wonder we don’t have world peace”…and they just walk away.

  14. ROTFB!!! My husband and I chose not to have two-legged kids, too, and I get that question all the time! Rude rude rude…but I really LOL’d the dog video-taping in the bedroom. *snert* Watch out if the camera ever gets designed for doggy paws and doesn’t require thumbs. *eg*

    doG, this is funny!

  15. Carol great article. It is amazing how people can be so rude. Love your comments made me laugh, I wish I could be so quick witted. I was belly laughing when I was reading Garth’s last comment.
    Carol I am so glad I met you and Dar and became friends. Love you guys and am looking forward to seeing you guys soon.
    Nancy

  16. I feel fortunate to live in Washington, one of the first states to recognize gay marriage. I can’t believe ANYBODY EVER would make a comment about your dog getting married because “you can’t”. Who raised these people??

    And ZING to your pen-“pal” Sheila 🙂

  17. Great comebacks, all of them. I can’t believe some people actually say those things. I guess it’s one of the reasons I prefer the company of my dogs. Especially like the last one…snap!

  18. Another great article, Carol! I envy your ability to come back with snappy responses – it’s usually a day later when I think of something. I certainly understand about rude and insensitive comments. My late husband and I made a conscious decision not to have children, and we never regretted it. However, since we always had (and I continue to have) a houseful of dogs, we certainly got the comments about preferring dogs to kids, and how sick we were, and how could I even consider my life and myself complete without kids. It just used to make me mad and I would walk away. I wish I’d had some good comeback at the time. People are rude and nosy. I was just ROTFLOL at your comebacks!

    Many hugs to you, Darlene and Dexter,

    Dixie

  19. OMG I cannot believe that some morons actually say some of these things!!!
    I do get the one about because I don’t have kids (I just have stepkids) that that is why I dote on my pets who I view as my kids. Hell, if I HAD kids my pets would STILL be my kids…….
    Oh and pets watch straight couples have sex ……….Cody is the most perverted cat that I know 🙂

  20. I am still laughing. Really ! No convention? Dang I was going to book tickets. Having had similar remarks directed to me & my partner of 27 years I love your comebacks and have actually said much the same things to some very rude people. Love the new attitude!

  21. My son just got a good one this weekend. When meeting someone new at my niece’s birthday and explaining that he lives with his boyfriend, this person said, “Oh, so does one of you do most of the housework and stuff?” In short, which one of you is the “wife” He handled it 100 times better than I was about to, lol

    Hugs,
    Pam & Oskar

  22. People can be so downright rude and ignorant at times, really! Telling them the dog videotapes you having sex is our kind of humor…would love to see the look on their face when you tell them that!

  23. LOL! 😀 People are very good at saying dumb things without thinking. I myself am not short on dumb thoughtless questions. I have quite a few doozies. If I’m the one being asked a dumb question I usually respond kindly, even if they are asking to be rude. Jerks are just trying to get a rise out of me and if I give it to them, I am just giving them the confrontation what they want. By responding sharply I am telling them their remark stung, which was their intention. If people ask a dumb question out of ignorance, I take it as an opportunity to educate.

  24. I understand what you are saying. I think in general people lack manners these days. Everyone thinks that they need to offer advice or give opinion on everything. It is true whether the people involved are gay or not. Believe me having no kids and spending as much time and money training and competing with our dogs as we do, we have heard all the “advice” and comments. I don’t really care what others think. It is my life and I not “hurting” anyone so usually I just smile and walk away. Quiet confidence drives people nuts…lol. PS I am uncomfortable with you last paragraph about Sheila. Understanding and support needs to go both ways imo.

  25. I am constantly amazed at the crap that comes out of some people’s mouths. I guess the part that gets me is that people feel they have the right to even ask those types of questions in the first place. You have some really great responses on hand, though. All I can usually muster is a head-shake-walk–away.

  26. Some of those questions went beyond the pale. One answer that might help is, “Did you really just ask me that?” Or, “Sorry, I have a policy not to discuss my personal life with anyone it doesn’t concern.” As for dog questions,I’d say,”that’s my kid your talking about, he’s off limits here.” That’s what I say when questioned about the money or time spent on Bailey. Hope these help.

  27. Hi Carol,

    I think humans are often times just so hard to understand, if only they could think like a dog I’m sure it would all be a lot less complicated and a lot more fun! 🙂

    Wags to all,

    Your pal Snoopy 🙂

  28. Absolutely fantastic post! It’s amazing the stuff that people will ask… you have to wonder why they never learned any manners! Your comebacks are absolutely perfect.

    The line about “he usually videotapes it” is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while.

  29. people in general are ignorant. the public in general is ignorant. i have been harassed and had many things said to me b/c i am Jewish. some of the remarks were unbelievable. when i was growing up, i could not get a credit card at jc penny’s or even a part time job. i asked my mother abt it, she said jc penny’s was antisemitic. growing up i could not go places b/c Jewish people were not allowed. i was told on more than one occasion i needed to go back to Germany and let Hitler take care of me and my people. i have been told i dont look jewish. i asked what jewish looked like? i am blond and green eyed. my mother was blond. just like people say pit bulls are bad and all deserve to die….wrong, the rehab of m vicks dogs proves otherwise. i dont like people in general. i would rather be around my 3 girls (dogs) than people.

  30. OMG! We can’t believe that there are these seriously stupid people out there (Sorry, but, yes, this does make us that mad) and that they really said these things to you! It doesn’t matter if you are white, spanish, straight, lesbian, gay, or purple! Anyone can choose to have a dog and love them indefinitely and have their dogs get married, dote on them, or do lots of dog things! Mom gets the “Crazy Dog Lady” and condescending comments and looks from people who are mainstream thinkers (and yes, even from our own family members), and she almost let it beat her down. That was, until she discovered that there is a whole community of like-minded crazy dog people who might have human kids, or they might only have furkids, and that they do lots of awesome things with their dogs. And mom also found out that she has two sisters who are just as dog-crazy as she is ^.^
    F those haters and ignorant people! We think it’s awesome that you found the courage to be who you really are and are just sorry that you had to live so long pretending you were someone else because people can be so close-minded.

    (We apologize for our barking dirty, but ooh this makes us furious!)

  31. To everyone who has replied here, thank you so much and for being a part of the Fidose journey now and into the new year!

  32. It’s funny…you didnt post my comment….the truth goes both ways… whether you’re gay or straight. You can’t try a to tell / teach / model kindness about yourself and then turn around and be snarky. It doesn’t ring of genuine truth…..everyone except “yes” people or those who are afraid to say something see right thru that. Besides…I thought I was signing up to read about dogs not their owners sexuality. WHO CARES. You can be on your soapbox…you don’t have to be like some people you’ve encountered….be kind. Ps..remove me from your blog…I’ts really not enjoyable to read.

    1. I am not certain which comment you are referring to, Jackie, but we publish everything here except hate. I can be as snarky as I want because I will not be judged by others who wish not to be judged. You did sign up for a Fidose of Reality and part of my reality is in coming out as a gay mom of a dog.

      I don’t have to remove you from my blog. This is like television. If you don’t like it, turn the channel. Have a nice day.

  33. The comment that I wrote that wasn’t posted was…… “It’s ironic that your whole long blog post was about saying unkind comments and then you end with a very PERSONAL comment which was unnecessarily mean.”. That comment wasn’t listed after I wrote it. It’s great that you are gay….it’s just not that relevant. You say it’s part of your DNA… so act like it. Quit talking about it…Just live your life… Straight people don’t continue to talk about being straight. In case you think I’m a hater…think again…i live in reality too…my son is gay…..he is “out” but comfortable enough that he doesnt talk about it all the time. You do sound like you still have alot of anger issues pent up after 20 years. I hope you become less judgmental of people than they have been of you. 🙁

    1. I do believe you are very negative and a hypocrite. I checked my archives and you in fact have commented on my blog, shared photos, and have engaged with me here for a while now. To say I am uninteresting is really ironic. I don’t talk about my gayness all the time, as evidenced by the lack of blog posts here with regards to my sexuality. To each their own. I will be infusing more of my “gayness” and being a dog mom into my writing. I am not judgmental towards people. Again, turn the channel, leave the blog, unsubscribe, or whatever. This blog post went up in November and it took you this long to see it and respond? I will, however, eat a pack of Skittles and think of you. Enjoy a rainbow day.

  34. Jackie says, “It’s great that you are gay….it’s just not that relevant. ” Wow, is this person misinformed. A person who makes a comment like this believes themselves to be considerate and sincere and would not intentionally participate in “hate talk”. Yet, this comment is unkind, flawed, ill-informed or ignorant.

    Being gay, like being straight, has to do with much more: how my brain is wired, how I relate to men and to women, and who I will or won’t fall in love with. My sexual feelings are a part of that, but only a part. The truth is, we all want to be known for who we are, and our orientation is a big part of that.
    In fact, straight people talk about being straight all the time! In many cases, I know someone is straight after only one conversation—often within a few minutes of meeting them.

    Jackie, let’s say you did decide to keep your heterosexuality a secret from everyone in your life. How would you do it? I would really like to know.

    “You couldn’t ever mention your spouse or significant other in public. You certainly couldn’t wear a wedding ring—too many questions. You couldn’t have pictures of your family at work. When current events affecting gay people came up in conversation, you’d have to pretend they affected you even though they don’t. (Closeted gay people have to do the opposite.) If your spouse was sick or injured and you had to leave work early to take them to the hospital, you couldn’t tell anyone why. When people tried to set you up on dates with others of the same sex, or casually mentioned that so-and-so is “hot,” or asked “Have you met any nice [boys/girls] yet?”, you’d have to invent excuses or change the subject.

    And that’s just for starters. If I included all the ways your life would have to change, this blog post would be so long that no one would read it.

    If you wanted to pretend to be gay, it wouldn’t just be a matter of not bringing the subject up; you’d have to deliberately deceive people. That’s what gay people have to go through every day until they decide to let people know they’re gay. Everyone assumes we’re straight, and until we correct them, there’s a wall of deception between them and us.

    When we come out publicly as gay, it’s because we don’t want to have that wall. We don’t want to lie. And we don’t want to live every day worrying about what you’ll do when you find out—because we know the truth will come out eventually, and we’d rather be the ones to tell you instead of letting you hear something through the rumor mill.

    Finally, This is a controversial subject in the world right now, and many people are hurting because of misunderstandings about gay people. When gay people come out—especially those who defy stereotypes—it’s a way of humanizing the issue and helping people understand. If you know I’m gay, maybe you’ll be more prepared to support your nephew or best friend when he comes out as gay. And when I come out as gay and Christian, maybe your nephew or best friend will have someone to look to as a role model, to know that he doesn’t have to leave his faith behind because of what he’s experiencing.

    Even if that were the only reason to come out, I’d say it’s worth it.”

    Think about it, Jackie, and think about it the next time you look at your son. Maybe he fears your reaction to his being gay which is why he seldom talks about his sexuality.

    1. My son openly talks about being gay. He just got engaged. We are planning a wedding at the moment. But he and his fiance dont stand on a rooftop to draw NEGATIVE attention to their gayness! I was commenting on the mean comment to Sheila the penpal. If the blogger has been been treated rudely in the past by people….why reciprocate it? That’s all I was saying….doesn’t matter if you are gay or straight…..

      1. Jackie, I was friends with “Sheila” (name changed to protect identity) for 20 years and when I told her I was gay, she began to pray for me and said she would continue. She said she no longer wanted anything to do with me. This came despite my being there for her daughter who suffered from anorexia and her many late night calls that her husband was not home – and she later found out he was cheating. I told her nothing about me changed but she insisted I changed and she didn’t trust me with her kids or being a part of my life. So if I sound a little taken aback, you are right: I am. I find it mean that you said my blog is uninteresting but you commented on it and entered my contests until this very post. You are also responding months after it was published. You also said you want to be unsubscribed. This will be a blog about dogs and all things related to them: from gay moms and dads to fashion to travel to mental health and everything in between. We are all entitled to our opinions and you are actually now contradicting yourself. You stated, ” Ps..remove me from your blog…I’ts really not enjoyable to read.”

        You found it enjoyable enough to comment and read about until this post. Sounds like a hypocrite, Jackie.

        1. D learn about I read this post because it was highlited on the post for today. I want to read about DOGS….THEIR health, THEIR food, THEIR new toys, THEIR products…. If you were heterosexual and started talking about you and your husbands “stuff” I would feel the same way. Ya know..I’m not contradicting myself…..nothing about your posts rubbed me the wrong way until you were personal and mean about the penpal…..i get it….you were hurt…deeply…but it’s not an eye for an eye out here…. AGAIN…i signed up to read & learn about dogs but using your blog to vent a personal hurt is not right especially when you were so detailed with facts. Oh well…if it made you feel better…

          1. You can find “DOGS….THEIR health, THEIR food, THEIR new toys, THEIR products” here. The blog is called Fidose of Reality and our mission is clearly indicated on our ABOUT page. You can find it there. This is not a vent – it is a blog with fact and some opinion peppered in. I also find you are consistently contradicting yourself, Jackie. If the blog is uninteresting, leave. If you say you want to unsubscribe, don’t comment.If you don’t like the content, don’t read it. We will continue to provide our readers with dog news, info, health, travel, fashion, and much more. We will continue to talk about our gay life and our dogs for the large contingency of LGBT readers out there. If you aren’t one of them, so be it. We are here for reality and not to sugar coat. It did make me feel better to get that out, so thanks for your concern. I still want my Skittles!

      2. If someone wants to stand on a rooftop and proclaim who they are, why would that draw “negative” attention? Again, this makes no sense.

  35. To: “Jackie” I am personally as a straight person/mom with a gay son appalled at your comments towards Carol. It is hard enough for the gay community as it is and to read your comments actually angers me and maybe your son doesn’t talk about his life style becuase of your position sounds like YOU have issues. I am very involved with my son, his community and his life to 1. show support, 2. because I love him to the moon and his lifestyle needs to be discussed and shared for his own comfort. I take issue that you take issue with someone “coming out” I am so proud that carol did what she did and it is her blog to say what she wants whether it is about dogs, cats or life style. She is far from angry she is a happy yappy GAY DOG MOM and I love her and Darlene for sharing their beautiful story with the world including dogs, cats, rats and birds she doesn’t discriminate about the animals she blogs about and we shouldn’t disciminate against her for sharing. I think you need to move on she is a good person and I think you are plain ass mean!

    1. Who said there was an issue of her “coming out”. I didnt! I made the comment that it was ironic that the entire blog was about people being mean and then it ended with a very personal, detailed mean comment!

      1. You also made the comment that you wanted to unsubscribe and that my blog is not enjoyable to read. I have comments from you that indicate otherwise. Now you are being a hypocrite, Jackie.

  36. It is so very easy to judge when you have the privilege of not needing to explain or justify your feelings. Jackie says that “Straight people don’t continue to talk about being straight.” Not having to talk about it is a privilege extended to the few. In this society, in this world, where equality is not guaranteed, where being yourself is still a punishable offence in some areas, not everyone has the privilege to just quietly be who they are. I applaud those in this generation who decide to “live out loud” in the hopes that just maybe the next generation has the privilege to be who they are. Kudos to both Carol and Darlene. Please don’t let one person, too wrapped up in their own privilege to see the larger picture, bring you down.

    (I would also argue that there is a large group of people in the world and in the US who DO talk about being straight, openly discuss why their way is the ONLY way and try to take what little rights people have away now away. At least Carol is coming from a place of love and tolerance. What is their excuse?)

    Privilege is the idea that something isn’t a problem, just because it isn’t a problem FOR YOU.

    1. THAT is exactly how I feel. When I kept this part of my life inside for all these years and I finally let it out, what a release and a relief. As a dog mom for my entire life, I have met many closeted LGBT folks who share life with a dog(s). It was so heartbreaking to hear their stories of not being able to tell their families or co-workers or those in their dog clubs for fear of being shunned. I want and hope that my words somehow, somewhere, might give someone the courage to say they are gay in their own way, in their own time, if ever. And there are many LGBT folks who have dogs. So that will be a part of this blog. Well, that, and the dog health, travel, fashion, etc. I have more than one side to my life – in fact like most people, I have layers.

      The blog is called Fidose of Reality: dogs and reality. So Jackie, again, read the about section because we are a WYSIWYG blog.

      “Privilege is the idea that something isn’t a problem, just because it isn’t a problem FOR YOU.” is so well said and thank you for that, Jodi.

      As to my comments to “Sheila,” I am showing how I was there for her for many many years and many situations. She chose to shun me and judge me only when she found out I am gay. Again, that’s a hypocrite. I wasn’t being mean; I was being honest.

  37. Jackie has me dumbfounded. I suspect this “woman” is a right wing conservative “Christian” who does not have a gay son or has a gay child and is upset at his/her orientation. She continues to say it doesn’t matter to her if you are gay or straight, but it does! Perhaps, Jackie, you need to put your own “house” in order and begin practicing what you preach.

  38. This is still one of the best blogs I have read. Once again Carol thanks for sharing, for blogging and most of all with all our Pride Love thanks for taking that weight off your shoulders and showing the world who you are. It takes courage to do that, its not easy, but those that know you will respect you and love you for you, not what you are. Its unfortunate that in the world today people are still being judged, people are still living in fear of their LGBT Pride, but each time someone speaks openly about it, they are helping and opening a door for another.

    Layla is my baby, my child, I decided not to have kids, that was my decision and LOL actually my Mom says one of the best that I did in my life. I treat her that way and if someone does not like it well its their problem not mine.

    I am also a teacher, some of my pupils have two Mommies or two Daddies, and to be honest I don’t even think about it when teaching the kids, to me they are lil human beings growing up in a world which is diverse, and if anything they are learning from it.

    So once again thank you for this wonderful article, for sharing with the world honest points about our lives, and as the quote goes : Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people.
    Martina Navratilova

    With Pride and Puppypaw love xxxx

    1. You are an interesting and inspirational person, and as a woman who is out, I respect your comments so very much. Layla is a very lucky mommy.

      Fidose includes gay living but that gay living is with a dog. There is a contingency of our readership who identify at LGBT, so we are targeting them and anyone who is a straight ally.

  39. Carol, I have to say that I admire you deeply. Your sexuality is a big part of who you are and you certainly have the right to “own” it. But at the same time, it’s not all that you are. You are also talented, smart, funny, and so many other things. So, keep holding your head high. You have every cause to be proud of who you are and what you’ve accomplished and, personally, I’m proud of you and happy to be able to call you a friend.

    As an aside to the jibes about choosing not to have children, I have a friend who has seven children and she hears the opposite. “How many kids do you have? Are you trying to populate the world all by yourself?” (No joke, someone actually said that to her.) There are idiots everywhere and, unfortunately, they all have opinions.

    1. WOW that is a zinger for your friend to hear, Dr. Lorie. I will continue to hold to hold my head high, and as you said, own it is so true.

  40. CArol, I just want to say how INSPIRING you are to so many! Inspiring us to be better dog mom and dads, as well as inspiring us as Women in this world! I wish the hate would go away, but it really is THEIR problem and not anyone elses. Keep inspiring! And keep those Dexter pictures flowing here on the blog and in facebook land because we all love you!

  41. I think I understand what Jackie is trying to say. It just didn’t come across well. I understand that she may be looking for only dog posts on the blog. She may not be interested in posts that talk about anyone’s sexuality, whether they’re straight or gay. The thing is, if you don’t like a particular post, don’t READ it! Move on to another post! One of the things I love most about the Fidose of Reality blog is the variety of topics that is explored in the blog. I think this makes for a richer experience and a far more interesting blog. Continue doing what you’re doing Carol. We love you and Darlene and we have your back!

    Jackie, I hope you don’t throw out the baby (the blog), just because you don’t like the bath water (this one post). Clearly you enjoyed the blog in the past. Just don’t read the blogs that are a subject you’d prefer not to read about. Carol doesn’t continually talk about her “gayness.” In fact, that has been part of the problem. She felt she had to stay silent about something that was at the core of her being! Can’t you imagine how hard this would be to deny a key piece of yourself? Can’t you empathize how hurtful it was when Sheila renounced their friendship? To me it is totally understandable that being in the closet for twenty years of her relationship with Darlene and hiding herself, created an intensity of feeling and passion. Of course she felt betrayed by Sheila! Was taking a parting shot at Sheila kind? Maybe not, but it is certainly understandable for all that Carol has gone through. For the love of DOG can’t we just decide to put these matters aside and just get along?

    1. Very well said. And very much agreed. Kim is a fabulous new writer we have here on Fidose, and her column deals with mental health and the role of dogs in this area. It is very inspiring, uplifting, and has helped many people. One never knows what one feels like or experiences, so we offer a variety of topics – all with dog at their core – here on Fidose of Reality.

        1. Jackie, I will always express my deepest thoughts through this blog in addition to the information about dogs’ well being. Dogs are a part of that. This is an alternative living dog blog: Everything from folks who view dogs as kids to pet fashion to pet health. It also includes LGBT living with dogs and mental health issues with dogs. I will never again be afraid or embarrassed to express who I am; all of who I am. I have unsubscribed you from the mailing list, as requested. In terms of unsubscribing from the blog, you simply need to not come back for that to happen.

          I call your attention to Ryan and all of his bravery: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/05/teen-death-threats-coming-out_n_4732018.html?ir=Gay%20Voices&utm_campaign=020514&utm_medium=email&utm_source=Alert-gay-voices&utm_content=Title

  42. How can anyone call this blog uninteresting. You don’t have to agree with everything that is written here, but this is one of the most compelling, captivating, varied, and well written dog blogs I’ve come across. Uninteresting is so off base and makes no sense!

    Responding to an article from several months ago and deciding now this blog is not interesting is as groundless as she.

  43. It drives me crazy when people use that “lifestyle” word, as if I decided to part my hair in a different place today, and suddenly decided to try men. Hm, rainbows and penis seem fashionable today. “Lifestyle” just sounds so condescending.

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